First day back to work today and it went well.

I spoke with the boss in the morning to tell him what has been going on (I never told him about the depression before, but didn't think he would react badly, just never saw a reason to before but now I think he deserved the explanation since I've been out for three months...)

So speaking to him went fine. I couldn't "read" him to tell if he already knew or not. When I asked if he knew anything about the illness he said he knew a little because he read the stuff on my website (So he had to have had at least some clue maybe?) But anyway we spoke about what it is like for a little while. He scolded me for not calling them when I had nothing to eat in my house so they could help... I did explain to him that the depression makes it very hard to do that and what the urge to isolate and cut everyone off is like.

Work itself was good. I left early. I rode my scooter there and did that really OK. Stupid depression, I really thought I could not survive riding my scooter to work, I've done it before several times but it's different when you have no other choice and are relying on it as your only way to get there, and of course depression makes that whole idea IMPOSSIBLE but hey when the depression begins to lift what a difference.

So it was pretty cold riding this morning and the temp has only begun to drop here so that won't keep me there for long. They will send someone to pick me up and bring me there... even to bring me home if I ride my scoot in and don't feel well enough to ride it home. Riding it in the rain really isn't that bad (as long as it is not pouring rain) but I think the combination of rain and cold would be something to avoid.

But I am happy to be back there and everyone was happy to see me. I am going to tell my department manager what has been going on... for him I really do think he has an idea... I think he has read my website more than my boss has and he's made some comments in the past sort of, not nosy, but just the sort of thing to know that the subject is "ok" to talk about... like mentioning his daughter was once on Zoloft etc. I just want to get time alone with him to do it. I wouldn't mind telling everyone but even if it is comfortable it certainly is not something to "broadcast".

As I get back to work I will be able to visit here less. I realized it is not only time, but there is a difference being able to check in multple times during the day as opposed to coming home and seeing the whole day's worth of messages piled up in every forum. Like some others here I find it very difficult to let messages go unread. I can bring myself to do that... tonight I read only maybe 3-5 of the threads out of dozens in each forum... but I still get very involved writing replies and stuff.

So I probably will have to taper off here again.

But I don't think I'm going anywhere soooo quickly and I'll certainly be posting over Thanksgiving