Babel,

Sorry to read about your troubles. I have had moderate to severe social anxiety pretty much my whole life.

I use 3 different things to cope:

1) I have an absolutely awesome therapist. She totally "gets" me and understands everything I tell her. The only thing I can tell you is to go to another person, then another, then another, then another, until you find the right one. By the way, I personally am not comfortable seeing a therapist of the opposite sex.

2) I have been on medication for the last 11 years or so. Sometimes I feel it doesn't work as much as I want it to, but I am scared of trying another. Meds are not a silver bullet and a lot of people can't stand the side effects. But for me, it takes the edge off just enough so that I am able to get through the day-to-day and talk about stuff in therapy.

3) I have a sense of humor about it; it's gotten me through some very hard times in my life. Like you, I recently lost my grandpa, and I also lost my father (Grandpa's son) 8 years ago which was dreadful. I also have lost 3 close friends.

Now, I know this stuff is not funny at all. But I make jokes about it in order to cope. For example: the day after my father died, I was alone in my room crying in bed. My mom said "You're not going to believe this. I'm picking out Dad's clothes for him to be buried in, and wouldn't you know it? His favorite sweater has a huge ice cream stain on it, God damn!" Well, I just burst out laughing.

I also constantly make jokes about all my "neurotic" behavior, lots of times to my therapist. Sometimes I'll tell her, "I just KNOW you've been looking forward to seeing me all week. You're probably like, 'Ohhhhhhh GOD, not her again! Another hour of ohhhh I hate my life, I'm a loser, I hate my sister....'" She always laughs and says she doesn't feel that way at all, but she thinks it's healthy that I lighten the mood from time to time.