that it is time for me to just accept that the things I DO remember are all that there is TO remember and that there isn't anything else hiding in my head getting ready to jump out at me. my imagination has done enough to torture me and make me feel afraid of what's lurking around the corners in my head... I don't want to deal with it anymore. I need to work harder at stopping my thoughts from going off in to la-la land and making things up to fill in gaps... making up events to match emotions.

just this afternoon, for some reason I started remembering something from when I was about 5 or 6.. I was in my room and remembering what it looked like and the toys I had and all that... and then I wasn't there anymore. I was somewhere else, doing something else that never happened. why? why do I imagine such sick things? ew.

enough.

so now I need to do whatever it is I need to do to deal with and process the little things that DID happen so I can just move on and get on with life.