I struggle with the mom issues sooo much too.

I've made lots of progress and have taken on the self-parenting, but I still struggle with my "the boundaries mean you don't really care about me" issues and feeling awful about how I always want more time with her.

I know that the boundaries help cultivate and maintain these intense feelings that motivate me to change, yet every time she says "time's up" I still feel a little rejected.

(((Esther))): I love your sigline about butterflies; maybe you can look at the prospect of telling your T about your feelings as choosing to become a butterfly?

Also about the dependency thing: one thing that's helped me is remembering how I felt after learning how to drive--I got used to not having to depend on anyone for transportation realll fast, and it wasn't long before the idea of having to rely on others to go where I wanted, when & for how long was unfathomable. I try to use that as an analogy when I struggle with my mom-wishes. I think "Do I really want my worth to be dependent on how other people feel about me today?" It's hard choosing to be my own driver in life, and I have to keep choosing every day. Sometimes I choose self-sufficiency and sometimes I choose dependency. I try to observe how those decisions make me feel, and to be gentle with myself when I make choices that don't represent who I'm trying to become.

(((Myself))): Your T sounds awesome, with the way she explained the boundaries and her ideas for self-parenting. I'll have to try those bubble bath & kids book ideas

Edit: Oops, I forgot I posted on this thread earlier.