Dear Kati,
In case you come back I am going to say again what was said when you first came here. It would be a good thing if you sought some help. You are in an extremely precarious position right now and I am worried that cutting away the lies as you put it is going to become a dangerous thing.

I would like you to get rid of your sissors then consider the lies you are telling yourself. People do care. It doesn't seem like it now because you have walled yourself up in a prison of misery but they are out there. Coming here is the first step in reconnecting those around you. By coming here you are practicing voicing your pain in a safe place were people will not judge you because we are all like you in one way or another. You will eventually once again capture those things that you are missing right now. You will get better, but in order to get better you must take care of yourself. Toss the sissors. I know you can always get another pair but each time you toss them you symbolically move away from something that has caught hold of you that is hurting you. Reach out to someone, be it your pastor or someone else in your church or a professional therapist. Make the move to pull out of this place of being a victim of your pain. Just refusing to be a victim makes all the difference. Yes you still hurt just as bad but there is hope that things can get better.

I have to go now and get ready for work. Just know that you are in my thoughts dear one,
Carrie

To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one's been crueler then I've been to me.
I am sorry to myself, my apologies begin here before everybody else.
I am sorry to myself, for treating me worse then I would anybody else. --Alanis Moresette