Quote:
Originally Posted by KathyM
Hi Baltazar
I don't think it's possible for another person to provide you with guaranteed safety and passion. It shouldn't be their mission/purpose/goal in life, just as your goal in life shouldn't be completely centered around someone else. Each person can only give so much of themselves to someone else, even when they are completely devoted to each other.
Maybe you can focus more on feeling safe with yourself and finding your own passion for life. You might find more passion in a safe man, and you might find more safety in a passionate man.
I hope you find what you are looking for in a relationship. 
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Oh Kathy
Thank you so much. Your words are so wise.
My muddled mind is always looking outwards for love, comfort and approval. I'm very BPD - cannot self-sooth.
When I'm with this new man I feel my heart soar and my blood burn. But it is not meant to be anyway. I don't think he would be able to put up with my moods, my insanity and my needs.
I know I need to repair myself from a broken childhood. The abuse of a sociopath father. But that is going to take many years.
And, actually I'm better than I use to be. So for
me, I'm actually doing well with this situation. I just wish it didn't hurt so bad and when I cry I need to hide it. But I'm not numbing the pain with alcohol or trying to deny it. I'm letting myself feel hurt and trying to cope with the pain in healthier ways. I need to change so much about myself so I can be normal. Or at least sort of normal in order to have more control over my life.
I'm just so damn sad right now.
