Who I Really Am

I am ... someone who has survived infinite amounts of ***** and lived to tell the tale

The main thing about me is ... I tell it like it is, and a lot of times people aren't receptive to hearing what they need to hear.

I always... wish I had more time to have a life, instead of working so much

I feel most like me when ... I'm being allowed to be creative (I love my job, it just takes too much time!)

What I like most about a person is ... they don't play games and will tell me the truth

I will be ... ecstatic the day I get to meet my son (long story; his adoptive mom tracked me down a couple of years ago and he and I have started to email)

I get angry when ... I believe I've been treated unfairly

I feel happiest when ... I look at the photo album my son's a-mom put together for me and am able to see for myself that I gave him the life he deserved instead of the one he would have had with me.

I believe in ... truth and justice (but not the American way, which has gotten entirely too f'd up)

One thing I want to accomplish is ... before I die, please God, I want to work for a major metropolitan daily newspaper and MAKE SOME MONEY

What I like most about myself is ... I am essentially a good person who tries to do good for others

I hate it when ... PEOPLE DON'T LISTEN TO ME (sorry for the shouting, that's a big ol honkin trigger for me)

I was ... multiply abused for a number of years, but I have a therapist direct from Heaven and I'm getting over it

I feel least like me when ... I'm forced to be social in a large group of people I don't know. I HATE parties.

If you really knew me ... You'd know that I have my days where I feel like the dumbest, ugliest, most worthless, useless waste of flesh ever to walk the earth, but hey -- that's what meds are for

I feel weakest when ... I want company and can't find any. Most of the time I enjoy being alone, but sometimes I just want to get the hell out of the house and get some human contact, for an hour or so, anyway.

When I feel angry I ... email my T

On a rainy day I like to ... sleep

I feel good when I remember ... This is a tough one. I don't remember the last time I felt good remembering anything.

When I'm alone I feel ... I'm right where I want to be. 100% introvert.

Most of all I really want ... to leave this earth having made people aware of my existence on this planet

I was the type of child who ... was a disgustingly huge people-pleaser

One thing I'd like to change about myself is ... oh god, so many

I feel strongest when ... I have just kicked ***** on a story, on deadline, and I beat the bee-otch at the daily newspaper on it! In one case, she got the story 2 WEEKS after I did. Nanny nanny moo moo.

On a beautiful day I like to ... go for a walk. I live half a mile from Lake Michigan. It stinks, but from a distance it's beautiful.

My favorite passtime is ... It used to be reading, but I haven't had the concentration for that recently. I don't know what I'd say now.

When I feel happy, I like to ... share my happiness with old friends

If my relationship with _____ were to end, ... My relationship with my very dear, close friend John DID end, through his very sudden death, and I am still crushed. But it occurred to me the other day that when I think of him, I have NO bad memories. With John it was all about love and laughter and enjoying yourself, and even when I was in the depths of hell he would find a way to make me laugh. I loved him to pieces and I wish I still had him with me.

My Child Within is ... shy and scared, but starting to spread her wings.

Who I Pretend To Be

I pretend to be ... someone who knows what she's talking about more often than not

Most people don't know that I ... was abused, or how, or for how long. I have friends I would trust with my life who still don't know about any of it.

I give the impression of ... I'm told I come across as kind of aloof until you get to know me. I think it's just because I'm naturally quiet.

The mask I wear is ... competence

On the surface I am ... completely together, no meltdowns in progress (only internally)

The game I play is ... I'm smarter than you, so shut up.

I hide behind ... my education

I wear makeup because ... I wear minimal makeup, and none on weekends. I avoid it because my mother has to put on full-face makeup just to walk 20 feet out the door to get the paper, and I've devoted my life to being the precise opposite of my mother.

The clothes I wear indicate ... I don't give a damn what I look like

The car I drive shows that ... I couldn't afford anything better

My job or profession shows others that ... I have talent

The real me hides under ... several very warm blankets and doesn't get out of bed just in case the monsters are outside

How long I've been pretending is ... pretty much my whole life

How often I pretend is ... 50%, maybe, maybe a little less