on this past year. It makes my head spin to see all the ups and downs that I have been through.

I have been pondering the last few days, just how much has changed in this last year. So much.

I guess it all started when I got overly excited about Christmas. I was looking in the closet at all the gifts I have bought so far for the kids in one corner and in the other corner is some wrapping paper I purchased from my sons school for a fundraiser. I got this pit in my stomach where I wanted to jump up and down and scream, not because I was sad, but because I was happy and excited. I immediately called for my husband and told him to get the christmas tree and all the ornaments out because I was ready to decorate (its not even thanksgiving yet). I spent a good portion of the morning the other day setting up the decorations and having the kids trim the tree. That is out tradition here. We let the kids do it because it literally warms my heart to see it. To see them so happy and excited. After that was done, hubby and I spent an hour wrapping presents and I was thrilled. Seeing all the different packages and different shaped boxes. Made me think back when I was a kid and how I would get so excited.

After that, I thought my goodness, this past year has been so full of life changing events. I went on medical leave fromwork last December for my depression, anxiety and OCD. I try to return several times (against T's wishes) because I was trying to be strong. That didnt work. When I did finally return to work my heart just wasnt in it anymore. For the first time in my life, I realized that I was not "superwomen" and that I was not strong enough to do it all. I had to decide for me, what was more important, me or my job. I chose me of course because I never had in the past and I knew that it was time I put myself first. So on May 31, I quit my job. It was liberating and sad all at the same time. I guess I was feeling free from the responsibility of that job but also having to admit that I wasnt strong enough to handle the job and my mental health at the same time.

In August, I packed up my family and my home and moved from Northern VA to Texas in search of a "slower pace" of life. I knew that part of my isse was the hustle and bustle that myself and my family were living everyday wasnt good for any of us. I love it here in Texas. The weather is beautiful, the people are nice and I realized the other day that I have not once, had to get snippy or have given anyone the finger while driving since I have been here. It is so layed back here. It is a totally different way of life. A much needed change I beleive.

However, lately, I guess because of the holidays, I am missing my mother and my friends so much. I would give anything to give my mom a hug right now. I am 32 years old and want to sit on my moms lap and hug her for days. I miss her. I miss her cooking. I miss her voice, I miss her smile, I miss her laugh, I miss her house, I miss her car and I miss it all. Right now that feeling is really strong. I suppose that is normal though and it will pass. Hubby and I were talking about making a trip back home in late spring. I am thrilled with this idea. I cant wait to get a slice of Pizza from my favorite Pizza place.

Sorry, I am babbling. I guess the point of this post was how far I have come this last year. The growth I have experienced. The things that I have learned about myself and my family. I have reconnected with them in a way I never thought possible. I love hangin with my kids. Watching them laugh. Watching them grow. I enjoy having my morning coffee listening to my 14 1/2 year old telling me about some "hot" guy she likes in the 9th grade, or my 13 year old telling me she will "die" if she doesnt get a skateboard for Christmas (we got one for her lol) and my 9 (soon to be 10 on the 19th of Dec) year old son who tells me everyday that he will be just like "Bill Gates" when he grows up. I love it. I love it all. It is so nice to look into their eyes and see how alive and beautiful they are. I have to say, that if all this stuff didnt happen, I dont think I would have known all that I do about them right now. So, in a way, I am thankful for all the pain and agony I have suffered as it has given me a new perspective on life and my family.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings..........again.



Huggles,


Jen