so i don't know if any of this will even help you at all but i'm going to put it out there. I was THE fat kid not a fat kid THE fat kid my whole life i was obese. and everyday all the kids made sure i knew it. and even then i didn't even realize how big i was for my age. by the time i reahced 13 i quit eating i dropped to 125 lbs and thought i was fat i mean i still thought i was fat i still wore sizes that hid my body never showed skin i look back at pictures now and think was i crazy. i had my son and while i was pregnant i quit smoking and drinking and balooned up to 210 pounds starting weight 135 pounds yeah tht was all me after that i stayed around 165 for a long time. i don't buy nice clothes for myself because i punish myeslf for my weight i won't go out in public because people will look at my arms or whatever i look like a slob on and on and on. i did a lot of labor jobs for awhile dropped back down to 145 for a few years back got screwed up long story short my weight stays between 150 to 160 that's my body weight. i'm fine with that (some days) id be lying if otherwise. i thik what i'm trying to get at is everyday i'm scared to death of balooning back up when you loose weight your scared of gaining it all back and being the fat person again. i'd rather be fat and not lose any weight than be fat lose the weight than gain it all back. and i'm on my way to gaining weight back because of my back probles an d not being able to do much exercize...right now...anyone elses but hurt from sitting too much .. anywayz hope some of this makes sense to someone