Who am I to think I can even utter a single sound that I am hurting? Pushed away over and over again when in pain-- told I was/am being a baby, stupid, a liar...... ignored or laughed at.

Reaching out to the parents (as a child)...... to receive cold indifference or "hush- don't talk about that". A partner that is supposed to care and love-- would rather change the subject than listen to one who has finally gotten the courage to speak of ones struggles.

Holding everything in for soooooo long--- will I eventually explode?? Will it ever be OK for me to really reach out???? Do I have the RIGHT to say I am hurting-- will that make me weak? Is that why they push me away-- "weakness" is feared--- or is it denial, in that they don't want to see any of it??

So afraid of being pushed away again................how many pushes can one take before they are pushed over the edge??

mandy