I just started trying to get help for my depression about 3 or 4 weeks ago. But all it seems to do is make it worse. All these people, asking me questions, trying to make me eat, telling me all sorts of useless stuff like "you know you can't..." (do anything but stay here, pretty much). I can't take it any more.
But I saw that when I clawed my arms, or bit my fingernails so far down that it hurt, I felt better. Not a lot, but a little better. Now I can't stop. I wear long sleeved shirts to hide the tiny scars hangnails leave when I scratch; my bottom lip is red and bloody most of the time from continually biting it to feel the pain; my fingernails are the ugliest things you have ever seen on the end of hands. I don't want to stop, per se....it is still the only thing that makes me feel better. But now, it's like I can't stop. I go to the lavatories at school to just sit there in a stall and scratch and bite and pick...
Does anyone know why it makes it hurt less? Why I can't stop doing it now?