My Support Forums - View Single Post - Introduction from an emotional abuse survivor (possible triggers)

RainbowG · 08:26 AM

Hello to All,

I visited these forums previously, hung around a bit, got busy with other stuff, and now I've returned. I decided to take the plunge and register, so I wanted to introduce myself.

I'm an emotional abuse survivor. It took me 38 years to finally admit that what I endured was abuse. I was really reluctant to use that word, partly because my parents so repeatedly insisted that they were better than any other parents around them. They would constantly compare themselves to other parents, and naturally they always came out the winners!

I started taking dream interpretation classes at that time, and for a while there, I was having pretty horrifying dreams. I was seeing psychopaths, murderers, and rapists in my dreams. Women of all ages were getting assaulted, raped, kidnapped, and murdered. I was seeing distorted animals, distorted human faces, and cut-off limbs. I even saw a (very dirty) baby die once. It was really horrible. I know now that this was an initial cleansing, and I've been free of these horrifying images for a while.

I also kept seeing crazy people in my dreams, and people were telling me in my dreams that I was crazy. That, of course, is how emotional abuse can make you feel. I felt bad nearly all the time (and certainly whenever I was with my parents), yet they gave me every material thing that I needed and then some. I assumed there was something wrong with me. My family certainly made me feel that way for multiple reasons, and I never thought to question them. That was how powerful their influence was over me.

My healing began with some intense anger episodes. The anger had been buried so deeply for so long that I think the only way it could come out at that point was physically. It wasn't painful, but I'd have convulsions, doubling over and clenching my fists. I could feel it running through my body.

I've been on a slow, tedious journey out of the darkness ever since. I actually felt that I needed to get away from these insane people long before I knew why. I haven't been in contact with my family for over eight years, and my life has been a whole lot saner since then. My family probably thinks I'm crazy and evil. I still struggle to validate the abuse. Reading about other people's experiences really helps, so thank you to everyone who's willing to share them!

Rainbow