last night i really wanted to hurt myself and since my husband was still awake apparently i felt the need to get creative with it and ended up raking my knuckles against the wall and hitting it a few times, scratching my arms all up, and biting the inside of my lip. i really just wanted to cut to make all the feelings go away. i was so depressed. after doing said acts i came out to the living room to talk to my husband, b/c i really needed some support. as usual he was really no help, since i really thought i should probably go to the hospital b/c i was suicidal to say the least. instead i just went back to bed, thankfully going to sleep.

now i just feel stupid, and kinda look like i've been in a fight which doesn't make me feel any better about what i've done. i don't know what my problem is, but i really wish things would get better, because they're supposed to, right??