Hon, it sounds like, if you can, you need to find a good therapist who is willing a ready to be a person who can work with you for a good, long time and be the kind of person who can help you develop an internal "caretaker", a person who can allow you to take care of and pamper yourself in an appropriate and meaningfull manner. Most of us learn to internalize this from people who love us and take care of us as children, but like you noticed, your parents didn'tor couldn't do this for you, and you still need it.
THe problem is it leaves you still so vulnerable to people who will use this as an excuse to hurt you and misuse you, or to trying things that might end up with you getting badly hurt. Even finding a nice husband isn't failsafe; he might want to be taken care of too now and then It's not fair what parents leave us with, is it? HUGGGGSSSSSSSS, dear.