Hayward, when someone kills themself, it opens up so many emptions and issues for poepl close to the victim that all too often, they don't want to look too closely at those feelings. I think you are doing nothing wrong for grieving the way you do, but others might have other issues about what happpened. Your openess may make them feel their own unresolved shame or guilt or anger all the more keenly, and they mih not be able or willing to simply sit down and say "You know, we had that fight a week ago and I was so mad and I wish I had been less stubborn and just picked up the phone and said, forget about it."
Realize, Hayward, you might get snapped at, but it might have very little to do with you. I'm so sorry for your grief right now. do you have someone else to talk to? Madisgram had some very good advice. At least take a break from all the tension, if you can. Even if you gireve, you must also live. Glad to hear you could get som support here. HUUUUUGGGGSSSSS and deep condolences.