Scarey. Yep. Dear, this is true. In just a very few years, I will have out lived my great grandfather (Died ploughing of a massive heart attack, 48), passed the age my aunt was diagnosed with cancer (+5), passed the age my grandma was diagnosed with ms(+3). I think the hardest thing is realizing that tomorrow I could be cold in my bed when my hubby wakes up from an aneurism, be hit by a car, or run into a moose on my way to work tomorrow morning. Or I could keep living and become a hideous racist like my mom, a 105 year old multilingual Alzeimers patient like Aunt Bernice (who informed me she'd earned the right to forget the answers to her questions, thank you very much), or, if I am lucky, a self taught lay theologian with neurologcal problems like my father. Possibilities, negative and positive, abound, and I can't forsee where I will end up (except the racism thing... I will do my best to minimize that as much as I can. No militias for me, thanks)
Dear Thunderbear! Yeah, it's scarey. You loved them, you know what it meant to you and them when these things happened, and now you see yourself coming close to that age, but you know, you aren't them. You are you. Keep your eyes open, be aware, but don't be so afraid that you don't live now for your kids and your hubby and yourself. Because that's what their richest gift to you is, isn't it? your memories of them and the best life you can live now.
Gosh I'm preaching annoyingly. HUGGGSSSSSS and have a nice evening!