So I'm firstly really proud of myself cause I don't have any new marks for 2 months now. Before I was hospitalized I had gone a year and a half. I know I can make it another year again.

I look at my scars on my arms and my thighs and I despise them. It was stupid and I can't take back what happened. They're still really red and I can't hide them forever. Summer will be here before I know it and it'll be too hot for long sleeves. As I look at them I get the urge all over again. Like that's really going to fix them to add more to my stripes.

I'm trying to remember the happier times and dwell on those to pull out of this dark place but it's really hard and I don't know why.

Suggestions please? I really don't want to go down this road alone again.