I find that the worst part of my depression is anhedonia. I don't remember what it is to feel joy. The funny thing is, a traditional depression scale would probably not even register me as being depressed since my other symptoms are under control. It is fairly recent that this symptom has received recognition again. It is one of the main factors in treatment resistant depression. Mine is definitely treatment resistant.

I find it hard to get motivated to get out of the house to do anything, even if it is something that might be fun. I have lost interest in my marriage. I have had trouble trying to just take care of myself. I have a lovely three year old daughter. It affects my relationship with her since it is hard for me to get out and do things with her. Even doing things at home with her is hard. Almost everything seems like a struggle. I usually find it easy to make friends. I just don't keep a connection with people.

The thing is, I don't feel sad per se. It's like I'm just "here". I feel like everyday is just a struggle. When I get out and do something, it almost always is better than I expected. It's just like I have a 10 ton weight bearing down on me and my life. I wish I could have joy again. The treatment I have read is one of the few that works on anhendia well is ECT. Also Welbutrin and other dopamine related meds help some people with this symptom. It doesn't seem to make a big difference for me. So much for therapy (CBT etc) or meds. Anybody else feel this way? Anybody find some ways to deal with it. Ironically, one treatment is to socialize more, take more risks, and just get out more. It's just like I am frozen though.