It could also be the past issues that you are dealing with in Therapy that are causing your mind so much pain.....if it was pain in the past, dealing with it will hurt also....just bringing up past issues trigger me really badly. I don't have the SI issues, but the depersonalization & other anxiety reactions are really bad.....especially at this time of year when everything seemed to happen in the fall & winter's in my past.

You sound like you have a lot of pain inside that is working on coming out.....sometimes we react in the way you did to try to make that hurt go away....only causing a different kind of hurt. You can add to that, th med issues, but mostly, it's the past things in our life that mess us up the most......anything else is just in addition.

Sending you calm thoughts & peace