I feel really out of sorts tonight.

I'm physically ill (kidney infection, etc) and exhausted, but I feel emotional too.

I guess I'm just laying here feeling really bad and trying to sort whether it's physical, or emotional, or both. Probably both.

And then I think about what T would say, which I'm guessing at obviously. My experience with her tells me that she would say it doesn't matter that much, in this moment, where it's coming from. What matters is just letting it be, and taking care of myself both physically and emotionally so I have the resources to deal with my life.

It's just been a lot going on. Again, both physically and emotionally. I feel like I can't catch my breath, can't get the down time I need to recharge. So scared this is the beginning of a downward spiral, when in reality it's just a day. Tomorrow will be a new one.

So, that conflict, again, between what I know in my head and what I feel in my heart.