Thank you for your support, everyone.

A part of me wants support. A part of me wouldn't mind going to the ER. However, I have four kids. Today is Santa breakfast. My husband is leaving tonight for a five day business trip. How can I possibly get help? There is nobody to help my kids when I am gone.

I used to be very religious. Now, I don't believe. When I am gone-I'm gone. I won't be in heaven or hell, watching the effects of my death. I will be done-in the ground.

Meanwhile, I self-injure, I engage in my ED, and put on the act of being the "perfect corporate wife and suburban mother".

I do go to therapy twice a week. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on 12/14.

I see my T tomorrow, but doesn't even know where to begin. He doesn't want me in a hospital because he knows that it only makes me worse. He is very anti-hospital. I think he has way too much belief in me.
Thanks again for your support.