Oh my goodness, you people here are so kind and wise. Yes, I am seeing now just how complicated all of this is- the guilt, the personalities, the shame and the regrets. I am probably the least of any of these problems, and in fact have been there the most in so many ways. Even as I write this there are close family members who are not even speaking or reaching out to anyone. I know they have their own issues, but to me this is a deal breaker and you just do it.
I have to keep pushing away the blame thing I am feeling for others as well, since it cannot change anything. But most of all I am saddened that a young boy would feel this much isolation and pain that he could not bear it anymore.