My T is really good about emailing me back. I could always email him everyday while my husband is gone. It's not that big of a deal that my husband is gone; he is more of a trigger than anything. He HATES when I am depressed. He says that my depressive episodes are "abusive" to him. Meanwhile, he's the one who yells and sometimes hits me. Ugh!

I have no family who can help. I am on no antidepressants or mood stabilizers. My doc took me off of everything because of a bad reaction to Depakote.
I am on Klonopin-but it doesn't help the depression at all.

I just wish I was never born. I wish that I never knew the love of my children. I wish that I had no connections....that I was alone and free to make the decisions that I really want to make.

I am sick of therapy and doc appointments. I guess I don't want help or to get better. I write here because it feels good to get the ideas out of my head...to make them tangible.