I saw Bt (for those of you who don't know that stands for "blunt t" as I called her on the forum as opposed to my current T who I call Kt for kind t) at a social event last night. I knew I was going to see her, but I was still surprised at how "normal" I acted with her! I told her my therapy is going well. She said she once attended a lecture by Richard Schwartz, founder of IFS, and she thinks it's a powerful method. I didn't sit with her; I had my friends and she had hers, but it was just "nice" to feel comfortable and not anxious being in the same room with her for a couple of hours!

The only repercussion is that I just called her, left a message saying she didn't have to call back, but told her about the hand-holding that I do with my current T, and also about yoga and mindfulness. I think she will be okay with my telling her. I wasn't trying to criticize my therapy with her and I hope she will realize that.

I have some thoughts about why I am okay with seeing her now. One is that it's been almost a year since my last session with her though I've seen her briefly and said "hi" at other times. The more disturbing reason is that I am in therapy with someone else, so I don't have to obsess about Bt anymore. If I weren't in therapy, I may have been in a different mind-set. My pattern is still there; hopefully this therapy will end it.

I am also wondering how it would be if I saw my current T IRL. I would probably obsess and react the way I used to with Bt. I wish that I wouldn't think that, but I know I'm curious about how she acts with other people, and I know I'd be jealous seeing her with her family. I'm jealous of them already just because they exist! So, that's still an issue for me. But it's the same attachment problem I'm working on.

The main thing is that I feel good about seeing Bt and about our relationship.