i have been trying to get things under control but i feel more out of control now then ever before.i then was really trying to eat normally or as normal as i could .but that led to taking laxatives all day.then now i will somedays eat and cant stop eating fast and alot for a long time till i am sick and then i purge for hours.i just cant win.i thought i could fight this but now i am wondering if it has already won and will it be my end.i am tired and hate myself for what i have become ,somedays like today i want it to take me,i beg it to take me as i just dont want to do this anymore.i just cant do this anymore.