bpd mess, that reminds me of something T my T once said, although it is the opposite. At my last joint meeting with T and my (X)H, T read a poem to us. The gist of the poem was: go out into the world and stop beating yourself up about this. It's easy with the end of a marriage to feel like a failure--after all, marriage is "supposed to" last forever--so it was like he was giving us final permission to put it behind us and get out of the repent-fail-reproach mindset. It was very powerful. I think that is a role our Ts can play--giving us permission to forgive ourselves.