So here I am headed toward a depressive cycle. I am separated from my wife and am not dealing well at all. My living situation is not the most ideal and I am unable to find any stability left. My wife has become a major trigger for me, causing a lot of situational depression and anxiety which triggers an episode. Being a rapid cycler makes it all the worse. I have tried every single medication and combination there of to try to be "normal" without success. I have been out of therapy for a few years and must either pay for a therapist with my non existent job, or wait 6 months before I get to spend a few minuets with someone who wants to file me in the system. I don't know what to do anymore. Tired of feeling like I am on the outside of life looking in through a plate glass window. I know I am not alone but the rationality of it doesn't change the fact that I feel alone and empty. I guess I just want to feel needed and worthy of something better. I just want to be loved.