Thanks Dex for the logic in your mind. It helps. Okay, sometimes I assume people know what I mean and they don't so I get into trouble. I am on flexerill which is a muscle relaxant which I am told to take only at night or if I can stay to bed and chair. It makes me sleepy and moving about while on it fights what it is supposed to be doing. Thanks Kimmy, I know you understand pain.

I have vicodin on hand. I go through about 30 a month usually.

With this last series of events I was taking 2 vicodin every 6 and it was not breaking the pain at all. The pain was building!

The morphine I.V. I don't know Sky, didn't even feel first shot, second my body stopped shaking, third I had enough pain relief to get off stretcher, have hubby wheel me into car, go home and get into bed. I had a pretty good night. About 3:00 the pain started traveling to my pelvis and thighs. Ouch! The next morning I called doc on call. Usually they do not give narcoticsw to people who are not their patients when they are on call. However, I know this man, work with him a lot and it was simple, I needed percoset. So I took it 2 every 4 hours for pain. As the 4 hour mark would come I would be hurting. He gave me 20 on Saturday. I was out after Monday morning so I did not take it EVERY 4 during night.

I got more yesterday and I have begun to feel better. I had time for 2 doses last night and now I feel like I am in a bit of pain but maybe a vicodin will do?

Addiction, I always worry and I always doubt myself. I was taught as a child to not hear my own body, to not feel it etc. Thus I have had a difficult time in life learning to identify pain, when to ask for help etc. I have a very high pain threshold. I still get anxious and confused when I get sick. Should I tell someone? Will they believe me? Will they call me a liar and make me get back to work? All deeply imbedded and difficult from the good oul days.

Pain and narcotics are odd fellows. The more pain someone is in the more their bodies can eat the pain med right up with no sense of being high. Severe pain often takes increasing dosages to keep under control. So the fact that three shots of morphine in an IV didn't snow me or cure me is not a suprise. It helped to get on top of it, to interrupt the snow ball affect.

When I take flexerill I have no memory. It is an odd drug that way.

As for life here. Daughter is safe. I have a lot of feelings about the way things were handled and feel that it was very unprofessional of the screening and admitting staff. It could have all been prevented instead of blind-sighting us. She is brave, she is working hard, she is determined, and she is learning to what extent this illness has controlled her young life. My son is going down to city she is in for girlfrien's family and he is bring her computer and white gloves? Umm, okay, part of program I guess.

My job is mostly okay, I am using my clear, pain free times to work on paperwork.

Illness and pain are great triggers for me. Dex, you spoke to my heart and what I needed to hear. I wish I could carry you around like a conscience on my shoulder to help me learn this stuff. It's a belief, super function or you will get hurt.

Massage at 12:15. She has her work cut out. She is excellent.

Hubby and I go to friend's widow's for thanksgiving. That will be pleasurable.

Daughter can go to a friend's down there but chooses not to so friend will go see her later in the day.

I hope this all makes sense. Thanks for caring, it helps.