I don't really know where to post this, or if it should even be a post. I guess it's more of a Jackie ramble, which I'm going to type and possibly post.

I am at a place where I've been fairly stable for about a week now (I'm bipolar) and I feel things between myself and my boyfriend have been going well. Sure, work has been stressful, and we've had some late nights just tying up things.

But I cannot help but feel lonely. It's obviously not a physical thing, as I work in an office where I am surrounded by people and I love with my boyfriend. But it's a void in my soul I just cannot fill. I wake up on a Monday morning somewhat depressed (This is due to having to go to a job that just pays the bills, but requires long hours, no job satisfaction, no sense of achievement, no acknowledgement...) but I think that's a whole different issue altogether.

I really love my boyfriend, but I often think about an ex - we had a connection on a different level, one I think most people will never experience. So I know not expect it again. But it was something that filled my void, I think. Anyway - that relationship is no longer, and I just want to be happy in my relationship; I actually just want to be happy and fulfilled in general. And my boyfriend is not the cause; it's me.
Why do I feel so lonely...!?!? My T says I need to get to a stage where I self-soothe; but right now I do not have these skills.
I know I'm clingy and needy. I hate being like this.

I guess I'm wondering if people have felt this way before. And to maybe ask me some pertinent questions to be able to be more introspective.

I haven't seen my T for 3 weeks, and it's been a rollercoaster 3 weeks, but I think I've come out the other side ok. So, going to a session with her, I wouldn't really know where to start.

I want to be happy, get rid of this void in my life, find purpose and move forwards.
I'm tired of wearing a mask, when I'm actually NOT ok!!