i totally agree with leed. going to al-anon for YOU is i believe the best thing you can do for YOURSELF. idk but he may never may stop drinking-i hope he does-but you can get better even if he doesn't. it sounds like he's probably an alcoholic, but only he can decide he has a problem.
as for you, there is no way you can convince him to stop. it's all up to him. his suggesting that you should be kind towards him is his way of shifting the blame on you. not to mention the other excuses he uses to not be accountable for his drinking.
to qualify myself i am alcoholic but been sober for 20 years...not to brag tho..but i do know what's going on with him, imho, because i've been "there". i almost died as a direct result of my alcoholism. unless he gets honest with himself he will not change for the better but YOU can.
the 12 steps of AA promises us jails, institutions and death if we continue to drink. it's suggested we have to hit a bottom if we are going to see the light. many ppl today have a less severe bottom because they realize where alcohol is taking them. i hope he is one of those ppl. but he has to get honest with himself.
meanwhile you take care of you. please keep us posted and i wish you well.