when i was married, we made Thanksgiving our biggest celebration of the year. we always invited everyone that didn't have family to celebrate with. so it was a house full of friends and our family. i cannot tell you how much i miss that. this is the most painful time of the year for me. when a divorce occurs, you lose so much more than a spouse. and most people never think of othat, when they deal with you.

i spent my first Christmas, in NM, with a neighbor at a big powwow at the Taos Pueblos. that bothered me a lot, to not have my friends and family with me..plus most of the white people made asses out of themselves, trying to enter pueblo people's homes, etc.
so, it was a weird day. lonely and embarrassed.

....but Thanksgiving alone really sucks.
my girl's father and his wife invited my daughter, who lives here, to his house for tomorrow and i'm alone again. i can't make up my mind whether or not cooking a traditional meal will make me sadder and i'll grieve more or if i should just ignore the "traditions" and act like it's Friday. and no, i won't ask a friend to have me over. i have a phobia about things like that.