there's a saying, "when one drinks to obtain a feeling or drinks to get rid of a feeling they have a drinking problem". hope this helps. i read a lot of that in your two posts, imho.
alcohol they say "is the rapricious predator". it will take away everything one hopes in their life and sometimes even their life. my sobriety has given me a life  . one that i never imagined! it was worth getting sober for so many reasons that i didn't even expect or believed could happen to me.
glad you are questioning your drinking. that is a start. you can have what we have if you so choose...it's an incredible journey to freedom!
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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