Hey all,
I'm having a tough time dealing with maybe going on disability.

I'm 32. I am not ready.

My fiance says I am being selfish (not in those words!) for not going on disability. He says that I only have enough energy for work, and then nothing left over for him and the kids. We don't go to the park anymore, we don't play anymore, we don't go hiking or rock hunting anymore. He says that our life is coming home from work and school and sitting down and watching tv.

He thinks that if I were to stop working, I could have more of a life at home.

I know to a point he is right...

However, I am (most days) able to work, so I feel bad not working.

But, if I could have more of a life outside of work...

Also, I can't do any treatments for my pain because pills dull my mind and then I forget IMPORTANT things at work and get in trouble, and any change they do to my body hurts so bad for a few days, I am not able to work (but I still go!!!)

Why do I do this to myself?!?

Why do I feel this way?

Even my new therapist (that I have seen one time so far) asked why I wasn't on disability.

Why are my thoughts so messed up on this?

Sorry for the rant. Just needed to get that off my chest, and my fiance won't let me do it (he has a hard time listening and not doing all the talking ).

thanks for listening,
mj