irishgirl, your kids need you alive. The healthier you are, the better. BUT the paramount thing is that you are alive. Like BNLsMOM said: Alive, things can change. Dead, they are frozen. They need the warmth of your life, and they always will.

I've had two conversations (admonishments?) with my pdoc about this. He knows a lot of kids who've lost their mothers or their fathers to suicide. My mentor lost her father at an early but cognizant age. It's a horrible puzzle they can never solve.

So many of us understand and know this tremendous pain. This is why medications and medical treatment are the options you need to take NOW. I am glad to hear you are scheduled to see your T today. Remember that they could give a s**t what we look like. They just want us to show up. Please do go to your appointment.