Oh Irishgirl,
I'm soooo sorry for your pain and suffering! I have also been EXACTLY where you are, a year ago. Firstly I agree with everything everybody has said. You do need to get out of the things you've agreed to do- you and your family come first!(You don't have to explain why- just say some family/ personal issues have come up and you don't want to talk about it)

Is there anyway you can get help with childcare- you mentioned your mum- could she help? Could the authorities help with childcare, or does your hospital have a crisis team where they can come out and support you in the community, so you don't have to go into hospital?

I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and they're querying Bipolaw as well. I have had home support from the crisis team, which has been invaluable when the children have been at school. I have also had short spells in hospital, because apparently hospital would make me worse also! I have to say though that it really did help me, just having some 'time out'. I was soooo exhausted with having to try and stop myself from acting upon these obsessions of suicide and self harm! A week in hospital gave me time to get some energy back to be able to deal with things better!

I have to say that the biggest help for me is Dialectic Behaviour Therapy (DBT). I don't know if it's available where you are or not. It is an intensive therapy course which teaches you skills to cope and get through crises, it helps you to look at yourself, relationships and your emotions and how to deal with them. THere is a high level of support. It has been invaluable!! This time last year- I really did not think I could get through a day, let alone a year!!! I am also on meds. I'm not 'cured' but life really is soooo much easier, I really would never have believed it!!

So please, please hang in there hun!!! Things really can change!!!!! I have also been worried about the impact on my children, but it all brought it home to me a few days ago when my daughter had to write an essay for school about things that amaze her...she wrote a paragraph about music, science, the colours of nature...and ME!!!!!! I couldn't believe it!!! I amaze her because I always manage to press on, no matter what!! It just goes to show that thankfully her way of thinking does NOT match mine!!! I was sooo humbled by it!!

Good luck chick, hang in there,

Big, big hugs