The onset of the Holidays Season, which begins with Turkey Day, is one of the most difficult times for me and in my recovery stages.
You see, it was right around this time back 24 years ago when my abuser first hurt me. I remember it like yesterday.
It was during my church's holiday bazaar.
I can still hear all the noise going on down in the fellowship hall as well as my very own heart pounding so loud I thought it was going to explode.
I remember feeling scared. I remember how sweaty and smelly he was.
He took away my innocense @ 12 years old. He took away my joy during the Holiday Season.
I hate him for this.
I am trying to work in therapy over the past few months to finally be healed from what happened. I never really took as much time and effort before because it seemed so much easier to just avoid it, to just numb it out. It was easier to try and kill myself to get rid of the pain then to actually speak about it and trust someone with it.
Now, after 24 years of carrying this around with me I have had enough.
He will no longer take away what was once mine...and should have remained mine.
I am no longer let him control my head during the Holidays.
I am all grown up now. I know I can attend something festive and he will not be there waiting for me around the bend.
I still have a long way to go.
I have a lot of work to do.
But, I am going to be brave and face it and deal with it and start feeling better.