I know I did. If I had been a better person, a better sister and daughter, if I had done something better, this wouldn't have happened. I don't know what I did, but it's something so big, that I can't even see it. There's a quote I found that describes it quite well.

Whatever is happening to me is my fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can’t even see it, something that’s drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.