Learning to communicate with our significant others is probably one of life's most difficult lessons to learn. I mean, we just weren't taught in school communication skills (well, most of us weren't). We learn it very informally, in our social interactions with our parents, peers, and others. Because of this, it's difficult to say that one person is at the same level of communication with another.

So when we get into new relationships (or want to improve existing ones), both parties have to learn how the other person says things, and what they really mean. People are rarely as direct as, "I want this emotionally, and I need this spiritually... " etc. etc.

Relationships -- and arguments -- aren't about who "wins," since both people are ultimately losers if the relationship doesn't work out because one person always has to be right. Learning to give up those fights which hold no meaning is one way to get started. Usually if both people don't try to do this at the same time, though, it won't work. Both need to be committed to changing the way they fight, live, and communicate. It takes work and vigilence, and you won't always get it right on the first try. But all you and the other person can do is try.

Good luck,
John