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Dear EinUndZwanzig,
You asked not to be judged; yet you were. You were judged by all sixteen respondents, in most cases rather harshly! The most benevolent position was, you made a mistake; you need to move on. I think, maybe, harshest of all, was your own assessment of what transpired.
The man you love, as well as any future you may have with him, was condemned. He was judged a philanderer, because he had a single extramarital sexual encounter. The primary theme of the respondents was, what transpired was absolutely wrong, not prima facie wrong, i.e., there could be no mitigating circumstances.
The reality of marriage is, when you don’t take care of your spouse, he or she will stray. You don’t get to keep them by contract alone. Many marriages are form without substance. They are stagnant! A third party, very often, is just what is needed to reaffirm the marriage or end the misery.
I recommend, you pursue your heart. Yes, pursue this man, take the great risk of making yourself vulnerable. Maybe, he will return to Germany with you. Maybe, you will stay here with him. Maybe, he will realize how much he loves his wife, and become a better husband than ever. If he chooses you over his wife, she is better off without him. Then again, he could just be another philanderer, and you will be hurt.
I wish you the best,
Larry
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