I'm feeling awful. Filled with dread and sadness I am so sick of life and its crap and I am sick of this feeling that keeps coming back again and again. I go along feeling fine and then BAM a huge dose of sadness slaps me in the face laughing at my attempt to be happy.

I was sitting watching tv this evening and wondered.... WHY ME? All my life I have struggled with neglect, abuse and self hate not to mention a hatred for this world and the people in it.

It is so hard to love this ugly, selfish, relentless world in which I don't belong.

I sometimes will on old age and death. I fear that's the only time I will ever feel peace. So it makes me wonder.... why the hell do I want to keep doing this. Its just too hard and too painful. I'm too sensitive and cant handle the slightest mental knock. All somebody has to do is look at me wrong and I am convinced I'm worthless. Yes my natural reaction is to be angry at people for it.... but ultimately, I understand the problem lies with me.

I am just one big horrible ugly worthless problem.

Natures reject.