I was trying really hard not to SI today. I have been doing pretty well with distractions and taking care of myself when I get urges. But today was different because I SI'ed because of guilt and self-punishment. I didn't feel like I deserved to do any of those things and just deserved to be hurt, so I SI'ed.

I was probably blowing this way out of proportion, but I got a phone call from home today and they were talking about my sister, who is 13. How much of a perfectionist she is, how she wants to get an A+ in whatever classes she's taking, etc. Anyway, listening to it was heartbreaking for me because I care about my sister and that way of thinking was a leading contributor to my issues in high school. It was a very painful time for me and I don't want her to go through that.

I felt guilty because in high school I won a lot of awards and got a lot of recognition from family, people at school, etc. She had to go to all of my ceremonies and I just feel like her perfectionism is my fault. She saw the praise and approval I got and it's like now she is copying. It feels like not only have I messed up my own life but I have messed up hers too.

I tried to talk to her today, in the hopes that it just won't get worse as she gets older. I didn't feel like she was hearing me. I know she is only 13, but I am worried that the same thing that happened to me will happen to her. I was kind of hoping she would come to the conclusion that it isn't worth it, but then I remembered the only way I realized it was after I messed myself up with no social life, an eating disorder, and self-injury.

So what can I do? How do I feel less guilty or find some other way to deal with the guilt. I just can't emotionally recognize the fact that I don't need to cut over this. And how do I help my sister? I feel like I have added very negatively to this situation...