allme: I've been thinking about the way you described your feelings for your former T. The high you said you felt, and the feeling safe and unlike anything you've ever felt before, even with your husband, sounds very similar to the way I've felt about my Ts. My Ts have been female like me, and no one is gay.

So, I think a lot of what you feel for him is because he was your T. As others have posted in this forum and in the main psychotherapy forum, clients usually develop strong feelings for their Ts whether they are the same sex or the opposite. I have felt that same desire for a "fix" from most of the Ts I have seen, and have contacted them in between sessions for that reason.

Have you and your new T discussed the unmet needs from your past that are causing you to not be able to let go of this relationship with your former T? I do have to say that in your case it's your former T who is at fault. He should have his license taken away from him. He should never allow anything to happen between you. He's the one escalating it. You are healthier than he is. I don't blame you for wanting to contact him again. I can see myself in the same predicament and not being able to stop myself.

I really hope that you don't see him in person again, and that contact your T ASAP if you haven't already. I hope she knows how to work with you to get you through your feelings.