My Support Forums - View Single Post - problem- holidays (TRIGGER WARNING)

RainbowG · 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by googley

There is another wrinkle in the situation. My friend who said I could stay with them while I was in town, (the reason I said okay) now say that I can't actually stay with them for half the time I am there. So now I am scrambling around trying to find somewhere to stay. I suck at asking for things. Which is why I jumped at it when he offered. Now I have to do something that makes me totally uncomfortable, asking for things. I have asked a couple of people, but no one has been able to put me up. I can't go back to my high school friends because most of them don't live in Seattle, so they are, if in town, staying with parents, or don't have apartments large enough to have guest rooms.

UGH!!!!!! I can't believe this has become such a clusterF*^ck.

Googley,

I feel deeply for you. I really do.

First, please believe that none of this is your fault. Emotionally abusive parents are experts at making you dance to their tune and then making you feel guilty for everything that doesn't go their way. None of this song-and-dance would be happening if they weren't so horrible to you. You're doing what you need to survive.

Believe me when I tell you that I know all about the guilt and the stress and the pressure to please them. Please try not to be so hard on yourself. I remember one Thanksgiving when my parents decided to come for a visit, all the way from another country. They insisted we go for a trip the weekend they arrived. I had to make all the arrangements (my sister got off by claiming she wasn't responsible enough).

So they came off of an 18-hour flight from the other side of the world only to hop back onto a plane during Thanksgiving weekend to Phoenix. Needless to say, it was a disaster. My father criticized everything. I was angry, but at the same time I felt like a complete idiot, like I did everything wrong. How I wished I'd told them NO. Now I realize, though, that it would have been more grief than it was worth at that point in my development. I had less knowledge about emotional abuse than you do, so you're way ahead of me right there.

You're being manipulated by people who live for nothing else! It's not as simple as just "putting your foot down." Believe me, I know!

Rainbow

P.S. Whoops! Posted this before I saw that you'd managed to arrange things. Please try not to feel bad about getting your friend's help. That's what friends are for. Wouldn't you do the same for him if it were the other way around?