Something bad would probably happen. If I start lying even to myself, bad things would happen. Lying to other people is bad, and I still have to do it sometimes. Lying to myself would be horrible. There's nothing to "suit" me, it's just the way it is.

I know it's my fault. I look back at it, and there's always some way that I could have helped, if not erased, the situation. I have plenty of "room" to think about it, if I want something else even worse to happen for karma, like me finally ending up in the psych ward and making my family poorer than before.