I hope you'll stand back from your decisions for a few hours, and, as sugahorse says, let the professionals make some decisions.
My mom is a trigger for me, too. BUT, when my kids need her, because I am not able to keep from worrying them with the zombie-act, it's time to call in MOM, dum-de-dum....If/when she yells, it's at me, not them (grrr, some things never change), and meanwhile, everyone gets their clothes matched, their stories attentively listened to,...the kids get to be "seen", just like I get to be "seen" by my T........Over time, I have to say (my kids are 11 and 14 now), my mom is getting better. It's still really, really hard. I mean, really hard, and doing just that alone, makes me feel like more of a failure than anything else. And that's because, really, it's the most important, and when it's time for that (calling in Mom), that means I'm ready to accept that the situation is serious and I have to stop imagining my way through it--because what I've been imagining I'm capable of doing isn't happening....I just wish I were as competent as I normally am. But I'm not. And I need help. So, from my own experience, I have been reading your posts and thinking about what needs to be done. Not necessarily what you would want done, and definitely not the way you want things to be. But.....there it is.