Tree i have been experiencing this for years...only that NOW it starts coming up to my consciousness. WePow said it all. The only thing i can ad- that may be of any use to you, and to most of is this:

Notice that we can THINK only ABOUT things...we cannot BE things. That`s being said - our mind is designed to help us connect with the outer world. But why are we THINKING ABOUT OURSELVES? We cannot be others but we CAN be ourselves. You say you are "feeling bad" etc - but - if it wasn`t for your mind to label it as bad because "sex is bad" or "everything that has to do with this person is bad" or "if its abuse i should be not feeling this way" - if your mind would not be labeling all of this you may not be feeling so bad "about" yourself. You would move into pure experience.

Now, instead of THINKING about yourself just let your body experience what it does....your heart to feel what it does....i know very well that there is judgment of the self and i have been struggling with this my entire life - and this what helped me. It`s not easy, i know - but maybe it will help. Maybe not. The abusive memories are inside of us and not out - therefore are something that we should let ourself feel, sense, rather then only think about. Of course there is a place for thought...but sometimes things can get clearer that way


I identify with you so much! I have an alter who brings me flash backs FORM THIS VERY SATURDAY NIGHT telling me my mother had sex with me, and hit me on the head if i refused. And this is not very clear if it was horrible or enjoyable or both at the same time. So...why i say figuring out.... is important and when we are being with ourselves - it is by far more useful to use our senses....from the stomach. Intuitive. Feelings. The constructions in out mind are made for communications with this society. Less for ourselves....