Hello Samantha and welcome,

In reading your post I can't help but think you should return home - to your husband of 17 years. Perhaps I am wrong, but I will stick to this opinion.

When we first mary we are filled with so much passion (probably more passion than love I think) and as time goes by the passion we had has to pale somewhat due to all the other things that have come into our lives which by the way, were not there at the begining.

I am a strong believer that a marriage, any marriage requires work on both parties to survive. From all the pressures life throws upon us as a people, it doubles as a couple, with each spouse experiencing his/her fears and doubts and fighting the negative forces that we all encounter.

I can't help but notice the elderly and how close they have evolved over the years that they just can't seem to function without the other. I once asked an elderly man how he came to love his wife so, and he replied, why we grew up together over the years, and we always communicated with each other. It sure made sense to me and I believed him. I still do.

I think that two people can love each other at the begining, but my observations tell me they are only at the begining of loving each other. It takes work (I know I said that already) and by that I mean - when was the last time you told your 1st husband you loved him (before you left) or did you ever send him a note along so that he would find it while away working and know how lucky he was?

And what about him? What did he do to remind you of his love? Did he send flowers for no reason other than to let you know you were his flower? Did he call you during the day to hear your voice or to say, "I Love You?"

When the marriage is young - neither seem to work at being together or letting the other know what they mean to them, but as time goes on, the relationship still needs to grow, and that is why I think you should return home. To give the two of you to allow your relationship to grow, to strengthen, to become one again.

Only this time - apply the work. It doesn't require lot's of dollars or even time - it just takes little things such as notes left here and there, or a phone call just to tell them, "I Love You".

This other guy can't compete with what is yours already and he knows it, and that is why his is the only opinion that means anything, because he understands once you start considering your own opinion and self - he will be history.

Go now sweetie - return home while you can.

I hope that I haven't overstepped my boundaries, but if I have, it was with the very best of intentions.

Your friend, Sam

"You'll never know what you're capable of if you don't try."