Well, I am went for the assessment and I am going to get help. The medication I am on isn't working very well so I keep going back to the alcohol thing. But, last night I went with my husband to a party and got drunk, when we got home I very abusive. So, he told me get help or get out. They said that I am a binge drinker or a periodic. I don't drink every day or every week, but when i do- I have a personality change. So, I am glad to get help. I feel very alone, I hurt my husband and although he is staying with me he is very bitter and thinks horrible things of me that I will never ever live down. So, I am just going to go get help. I won't get the treatment for the pain now that I am an identified substance abuser. I never abused my meds or anything like that, but I won't be treated with this on my record, so I won't try. Also, I will have to cancel my appointments with some very hard to see doctors and not get treatment for the pain at all because of the outpatient schedule I am on- and they don't allow time off for doctors visits. So, I am getting help anyway. Thank you for your posts, we were in counseling, but my husband doesn't really believe he has a problem, so I will let that alone. It would be a whole lot easier for him to see his own problems if mine weren't so glaring. But, I am the one that screwed up, am a screw up in fact, and may not have much of a future anyway. Maybe he is right about me. Anyway, thanks for your replies.

<font color=purple>Never, Never, Never Quit. -Winston Churchill</font color=purple>