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"i certainly don't want "barely surviving" this way to be the norm for the rest of my life." I can only say that within time things will get better. you are dealing with alot dexter and my heart goes out to you.I think that going to meetings, taking your meds and breathing some fresh air are all points for your road back to recovery. although we all wish it would simply just go away it will take time. and within time things should get better. there are times when you feel you have gotten so far along within your recovery, only to have the simplest things bring you 20X steps back. It has been a constant battle with Depression since I was 14, Two years ago was my down fall and now I'm just trying to find ways to better myself. although no one is perfect. I know there will be a better tommorow. that's all you have to worry about today.. take it day by day.
I happen to think you are a very intelligent man your words are very positive and intellectual. like I said before I'm sure within time you will have that shoulder to cry on.

When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth & love have always won. there have been tyrants & murderers, and for a time they can be invincible, but in the end they always fall.
think of it... always.
Mohandas Gandhi...