((((((((Yack))))))))))
I'm so sorry you're still going through this horrible nightmare. It really stinks how one person can screw up such a beautiful life with so much hope and potential. You haven't lost that hope or that potential but it's taken a detour.
Please, try to remain confident in your abilities. You have it in you. It's still there. There's just a thick fog clouding your way there. You'll find it again, though. I hope this fog lifts soon.